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All 50 game Reviews

Obsolescence Obsolescence

Rated 1.5 / 5 stars

this is less exhilarating and action packed than it is waiting for ten fucking minutes for something to die

see touhou for ways to make a bullet hell game enjoyable

Cool Story Bro Cool Story Bro

Rated 0 / 5 stars

cut the stupid meme shit

Colormixer 1.0 Colormixer 1.0

Rated 2.5 / 5 stars

Mochimedia ruined the game

The concept was good, and execution was pretty nice (especially the visuals), but adding such a bloated and useless extension to the game for the sake of making a few dollars really ruined the experience for me. After I finished my first game I had to sit through the long process of waiting for the awful thing to submit a score to the scoreboard and then load yet another advertisement for me to sit through. I wasn't about to sit through that unresponsive waste of time so I simply stopped playing the game. Would be an 8/10 if not for Mochi. Rated 2/5.

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JernoBill responds:

Thank you for the review. The game is now on MindJolt and Kongregate with no extra Ads.

Shitty Fucking Art Game Shitty Fucking Art Game

Rated 5 / 5 stars

So deep

I like this game because of how indie it is. I went to Starbucks earlier and asked if anyone had heard of "Shitty Fucking Art Game" and everyone said no and I said that's okay because it's pretty obscure. Keep fighting the good fight and, like, corporations are evil and shit so don't go mainstream.

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Fantasy XFII Fantasy XFII

Rated 2 / 5 stars

Decent mechanics undermined by bad writing

Well, well, where to begin...

The gameplay itself wasn't in any way original, but it worked. Fun, one might even say. Although it carried with it most of the glitches typical to mediocre flash games: input lag, missed commands, ridiculous physics, etc... it was playable.

At this point in the review, you've gotten about 7 stars. A C-. Decent. But let's get back to why I gave this game a 4.

The writing was nothing less than painful. Cliched, recycled, boring, immature. You broke the fourth wall so many times I had to buy a new monitor. I understand that it was in the name of satire and you were trying to parody a typical RPG. Having to trudge through lines and lines of "I am a character in a video game and I'm aware of it, this is so funny!" was nearly unbearable. I couldn't play more than ten minutes knowing more of this 5th grade writing lurked beyond the next corner and in the next quest dialogue. Molesting kittens? Seriously? I think that the only people who found that funny were those among us who haven't hit puberty yet.

As I said, the gameplay itself was decent, and if improved could form the backbone of a quite good flash game, but as it stands, an alright concept was completely demolished by writing reminiscent of a high school freshman's myspace page.

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Man in Gap Man in Gap

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

Copy of a game on the iPhone

But it's still pretty good.

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Madness: Premeditation Madness: Premeditation

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

Good concept, felt unpolished

Well, I really loved the concept. One of my major concerns was that the game was too short, though. Another big flaw was that certain areas ran at a great 25fps but places like the disco room ran at like 6 which was rather annoying. Don't use as many effects next time. Also, I really don't like the input lag. At one point in the game I had to redo a level about 8 times because it wouldn't read my input. Another big problem is chaos, aka randomness. I used the top tier armor piercing gun through most of the game and most of the time I had to watch a replay 5 or 6 times before it would correctly play the level and kill everyone. The bullet spread was just too chaotic. I understand that there has to be some degree of chaos but come on. It makes it hard to share replays. I would love it if you would make a sequel expanding on the original and fixing some of these problems in time for next year's Madness Day.

Make My Next Game Make My Next Game

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars


"Not until this game is done"

I lol'd

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My First Quantum Trans. My First Quantum Trans.

Rated 1.5 / 5 stars

Input lag RUINED it

This idea is good, but the Flixel input system ruined the experience entirely for me. Maybe if you would make your own engine instead of being lazy and using the terrible Flixel one there wouldn't be as much input lag.

Covetous Covetous

Rated 4 / 5 stars

Good but rather vague

I would like to better know how the parasitic brother became that way, why he is the disgusting parasitic mass he became. Good story, thought it was about cancer before the fetus actually developed. Disturbing.